suicidebomb's Diaryland Diary


Crunch Time with Sammy.

For as long as I've known him I've been drawn to him. Whether he is consciously stringing me along or not - who knows? it's hard to tell. All I know is that he is increasingly affecting me. From very early on, when I met him, I was very aware there were two sides to his personality. On the one hand, a caring, perceptive, sensitive soul. On the other a very insecure, manipulative and selfish side. All at odds with his apparent intelligence. Anyway, what I'm trying to say/realise is that it's gotten too messy. All his flaws have accumulated, and the truth is I don't trust him that much. No amount of time spent with him has changed that, it has only magnified how I feel. Even if he were to admit he had feelings/offer a relationship, I would never be happy with him. From cheating on former partners, to cutting off other friends, to being deliberatly misleading about his self, to spreading personal things about me, to pretending he had no interest in other people, when he so clearly did. He's a dangerous and immature person, unable to comprehend his affect on others. As a consequence I've realise that it only remains for me to phase him out. I must put aside all the people he could potentially charm and the benefits of his society. They're just not worth the headache. UPDATE: Today, I made it clear, that I was distancing myself, I think he got the message. Responding, in like with a quasi-sarcastic respite. This has got to be done. Its not nice, but I have to protect my heart. I think the distancing will have been felt quite strongly now. But, like Alex, its the only way I can move on. Falling in love with the wrong people can be dangerous, and i must be more strong and assertive about it, for certain. I will not call him for as long as possible. This should be made easier by the approach of bestival, my dissertation and hopefully things working with christie.

9:20 a.m. - 2008-08-09


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