suicidebomb's Diaryland Diary


Moving forward.

Things have culminated, and I'm achieving my goals one step at a time. Socially, I feel very confident and I'm more self-aware then ever before. After achieving my job goal, I will go out in London and make some new friends. I've done a lot of travelling already and it makes me even more keen to get out there and see the world.

I'm glad I spoke to Ban about this against Ben's advice. She told me she was glad I had mentioned it. I was feeling pretty terrible and sorry for my self. But I realise increasingly that I need these experiences to learn how to deal with negligent,careless ones. They will keep coming, I'll only get stronger and harder. I'm already becoming better at detecting them. With regards to Kobi, I doubt the friendship will fully recover from this. And that's a good thing. Anyway, I think one day I will accept the apology, but things like this are too harsh to be forgiven. It reminds me of my issues with Jita, she played games with me for ages, which was silly because I was genuinely sorry. That friendship died, and so did all her others around it. Anyway, I will be the bigger, stronger man and forgive. But I don't think I can let this person close to me.

With regards to Sami, my instincts are telling me that it doesnt feel right to be close to him. There's tonnes ST from my side. I keep having these ts fantasies. I think the best thing is to respond to some texts/ ignore some. But meeting up is completely off limits. I feel a bit bad, because he's not comparable to some of the monsters I've been friends with, but I need to do this for my own feelings. It's self-defence. Anyway, I've started to recognise why those feeling of doubt boil in my stomach, that churning is my instincts telling me something's not right, I'm learning to follow these feelings.

12:40 p.m. - 2009-03-08


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: