suicidebomb's Diaryland Diary



Dear Diary, So I guess things are going to come to a close early next year. Ben has so much to offer as a person, but we're just not compatible. On two levels. Firstly, career, geography and our life stages are totally different. I need a job with actual pay, I'm so tired of being unemployed, this six months really upsets me in that it made me realistic about the prospects I'd planned. Geography, Ben is living in Brighton, this has been challenging at best, next year he is going to Canada. Brighton has been a complete hassle, I imagine Canada would be a nightmare. I guess deep down inside I'm not ready to settle just yet, this is my first relationship, I think those people who settle with the childhood sweetheart. Well, I feel sorry for them, its unimaginative and kind of boring (for me), I'm sure they'd argue otherwise. This leads me to the final but, I need to grow up. On the one hand Ben makes me realise how important friends are, and the right friends. I realise I'm very picky about my friends. But certain things I don't like, namely, heavy drinkers, heavy drug use, lack of ambition, dishonesty, flakiness, selfishness, these are things that make me miserable. I feel I've been dismissive with his friends, but thats because they're quite full on as a group and its hard to connect when everyone knows my business, things my best friends don't know and the fact that I'm supposed to click with them organically. Well how can that happen when everyone is perpetually drunk of drugged. I'm very sad things will end in April, I kind of don't really want to go to Mexico either, it feels a bit wrong.

1:33 p.m. - 2009-09-01


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