suicidebomb's Diaryland Diary


bad advice and sore heart

Dear Diary,

Things haven't been too happy lately. I always find when I list the things that are upsetting me they will make me feel better in the future when I realise how inconsequential. Feeling a bit cryey but here goes:-

1. Ben pushing me away, I guess this is natural considering we're no longer together, and it's not easy for him. Remember Selina and Wes, don't be a Selina and take yourself off the market, thats not what Ben is doing, its quite easy to see he is doing everything he can to move forward, including moving to another country. Take a leaf out of his book. Perhaps don't go out of your way to call him for a while, this is for the best in the long term.

2. Sean is being weird with me, this is possibly through him getting fed up with me being self-centred, moan-y and needy. This might resolve itself, again you see him everyday avoid complaining and be pleasant and don't severe ties whatever you do.

3. Selina is depressed because of her dad, job, boys and generally life.

4. Lana just being a cow and self-centred as per usual.

5. George being George.

6. Realising I hate Majid, and his constant torrent of shit has made me very hard to work with.

6:24 p.m. - 2010-05-09


Deep rooted sadness I can't explain

Dear Diary,

Something is making me well up, I don't know what it is. So I felt it best to come back to you after more than three months of neglect. I don't think I will ever stop writing here, but only the negative side makes it here. I'm clearing out my room, something I have been intending to do for the last 7-8 months, it's April now, I've been at Press TV for 7 months. I've made a lot of progress. I know I'm not the most popular person at work. That leads me to all the things that are bringing me down. Before I do that I'm going to look at my old diaries and see what I was up to over the last three years, wait for me here.

In 2009, you had just returned from Preston, Met Dipak at garlic & shots the day before and met ben today.

2008, you watched there will be blood and the next day was jahed's leaving drinks, go how long ago this was.

2007, you met sarah and jita in tredegar.

God that's a strange trudge through the last three years.

I feel a bit better now, I can now say whats upsetting me, maybe try and fix things up if i know what they are :-

1. I don't see my friends enough.

2. I finish so late, at work I can rarely do anything after work.

3. Ben is in Mexico.

4. Sean sometimes seems depressed.

5. George is George.

6. Selina is always letting off steam/ pissed.

7. I work so hard at work and don't get paid enough.

8. Noone on the site responds to me, atleast not the ones I like, I feel overweight and don't have time to go to the gym (and when I finally do I feel ill).

9. I'm always angry over something.

10. I need to get my driving license out the way.

11. I never have the time to make new friends.

12. I'm always stressed.

13. I miss Ben's kindness and always was mean to him because work was getting to me.

I feel like my job ain't going nowhere. Noone is responding to any of my job applications. I want to travel. I feel trapped. I feel unappreciated.

11:12 p.m. - 2010-04-15


Press TV.

I'm nearing my 6th month, Christ were did the time ago. How much has come to pass. At Press TV: Sarah left, Amy left, Nadir left, and soon Gavin will go. Possibly even Ed. Who knew Sean would be joining us.

I've been increasingly jaded with the people there. Nothing particular that they say or do - just general annoyance with their personalities. I'm going get my anger out this way, just take mental notes of things that annoy me about everyone.

Rehman- who just has that frustrating can't be bothered attitude to everything, who's a total gay but doesn't know it himself. His kind of rude attitude that he thinks is funny. His bitchiness, and his blind loyalty to Nada. Stupid comments to things he just doesn't understand cos he lives in such a gated community.

Nada- with her extreme moodiness and devil may care attitude to everything. No amount of flirtation can hide the fact your not that bright. Also you're a tart. Rubbish clothes and lack of naivety. You remind me of Jita who couldn't appreciate what was in front of her until it was too late.

Hamed, Warren, Leylan- you were dickheads, and you made Press TV a living hell at times.

It's almost the end of my 5th month, if they sack me now its ok, I've had a great journey. But maybe its time to hand out my CV and see my luck this time. I'm feeling optimistic.

For all the rubbish people

You met the incredible Amina, the intelligent Gavin, the charismatic Sarah.

11:00 p.m. - 2010-01-22


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: