suicidebomb's Diaryland Diary


heartbreak hotel - ahmed didn't want me..but he wasnt right for me either.

Dear Diary,

I'm now coming out of my sadness. I pinned all my hopes on this guy. He was good-looking, bright, had a beautiful body, lovely face. We had the same ethnic origins. I lost weight to coincide with is arrival, I'd seen him in the DTFF brochure. Now I realise he doesn't really notice me. Has a thing with James. I'm totally heartbroken, here was the final bow to my string. Wanted it to work so badly, was cut off at the first hurdle. Never did I know it would end like this. Thought he was the one. I was wrong. He reminded me of all the wrong people, the people were wrong because they hadn't wanted me. I rejected someone 9 months ago, now I feel their pain, but at least we had something, although temporal. Now I'm sad and pained to think who else is there in this Godforsaken city. Wish I could speak to someone older who could impart advice. Tell me he was an idiot, even though I could see that myself. He was never right for me but this world is filled with 3 billion people, I'd be foolish to think this was my one shot. Pinned all my hopes and dreams on on guy, dreamt about us cuddled up in bed, talking about Palestine, comparing notes, wishing for more. I dont know why he didnt show an interest, was I too short? too skinny? too imature? Was my face not right? Who can understand the processes of attraction? I must accept it now. Made the mistake of sitting myself next to him in the best office, big mistake, had to suffer him ignoring me everyday. I'm hurt now. So hurt. I know this guy isnt right, there are plenty of beautiful boys out there. Some with big hearts too. He isnt one. Ben had a big heart.

9:52 p.m. - 2010-10-21


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