suicidebomb's Diaryland Diary


petty jealousies, childish quibbles.

I always envied those who had a lover, because I felt I'd lost a friend. I never felt I was able to hold on or win a person's heart. Anger would fill within me when people would talk about those they cared for, unable was I to conprehend that love was there for the taking. Looked for it in all the wrong places. Now as I grow older, I pine for a companion to look forward to at the end of every day. I can trace it back to every friend who desired more. So concerned was I with making friends, never was prepared to develop a relationship. Ned, Sophie, Yasmin, Jita, Sophie, Sam, Ali. Almost felt the same about Olivier and Kate had they not held on to me. Now I'm older I can understand those feelings. Found momentary respite with k and b. Two people who had felt fulfilled in a single life. From tomorrow I am no longer going to feel sad. Even if things don't come into fruition with Christie. I always felt people falling in love with others, was a personal rejection of me. How young I was. From tomorrow everything changes, I'm going to live my life, fuck this obsession with change.

11:18 p.m. - 2008-08-10


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