suicidebomb's Diaryland Diary


heavy eyes, sad heart

today, i'm feeling down. been thinking that ben is growing distant. i have very few friends and the ones i do have sometimes let me down. how i ended up in the situation. i sometimes think about the olivier situation and how it could have had a better outcome. but with some people its impossible to know what to do, thats how it became with olivier. sometimes i'd feel uncomfortable around kate. sometimes, i'd feel i was being used as a foil to make olivier feel better about his own failings. sometimes i felt like i was just wheeled in for entertainment. other times i felt double standards, i'd be told what a flake i was etc etc etc. or a pussy and so forth and he would do the exact same thing and that would be okay. it really made me feel shitty. after a while i wanted a full out confrontation about what was going on. yet this would be impossible because he would never make one-on-one time so it just fell to bits. with regards to k. whats really left to say, i don't really think very much. and finally, with jita, i did respond, i dont know if its the right number. oh well. things are getting better and better, i certainly hope so.

7:58 p.m. - 2009-05-02


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